I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
