he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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