Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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