Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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