Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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