had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
