There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
