The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
