this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I could make wine with my vomit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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