Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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