You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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