Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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