I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize