dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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