Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
