My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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