I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
