The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
