i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
