i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They have beer where we have blood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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