I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
