i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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