So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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