Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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