Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
