i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
