tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
