Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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