he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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