i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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