And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
