Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
