You just made me feel so damn special
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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