So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
