You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
