i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
