you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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