So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
