it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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