So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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