I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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