Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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