I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
