her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
