he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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