It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This girl is more easily done than said...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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