what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
