we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
