Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
