I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
