I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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