so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
