watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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