i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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