Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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