Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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