I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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