So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she peed on how many people?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
