did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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