I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
