i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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