she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
