Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
