I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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