Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
