Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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