New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My ass is underappreciated
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
