I am midnight drunk by noon
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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