a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
