I'm gonna have a badass scar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
