bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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