she looked like the before picture.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
