He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
