You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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