She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
