dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
