guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
