The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize