We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
